Toast
by jacey05
Summary: Ziva stood in front of the window in her living room. The view in front of her was quite lovely. Yes, it was all quite lovely, but Ziva didn’t see it.


**Toast**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own NCIS. I know, I know, it's terribly heartbreaking.

**A/N:** This idea came to me as I was listening to my iPod and one of my favorite songs came on by Tori Amos called "Toast." Hence the name of the story. It's very much un-Betaed, so any mistakes are my fault. It's a one-shot.

X

Ziva stood in front of the window in her living room. The view in front of her was quite lovely. Her apartment building overlooked a park across the street and there were children running and playing; carefree and happy, smiles on their faces stretched from ear to ear. Couples of varying ages strolling hand-in-hand, some in that new, young exciting love that might just be infatuation, but also could be the real thing. In the older couples it was the love that stood strong over time, had shared pain and joy; it was definitely the real thing. Dogs raced, chasing a ball or jumping into the air to catch a Frisbee before returning to their owners for praise and another go.

Yes, it was all quite lovely, but Ziva didn't see it. She saw a young girl with long, wild curling hair and a wide innocent smile. She also saw a boy, still young, but a bit older than her, and already quite handsome. He had a smile on his face as well, but it wasn't the same smile she wore. His smile was one of love and indulgence and a bit of protectiveness. The girl gazed up at the boy, her eyes shining with love and trust. She would follow him to the ends of the earth without question.

That love and trust in her eyes was not lost on the boy who was too wise for his years. His view of the world wasn't as innocent as hers; he had seen more than one his age should. As he stared down into her beautiful brown eyes, he vowed to himself to protect and shield her. To ensure that she didn't witness those same horrors that he had at such a young age. He knew that one day she would, it was inevitable, but he would prevent it for as long as he could. It was a heavy burden for one so young, but he gladly shouldered it. He knew that innocence in her wouldn't last forever, but he would do his best to keep it there as long as possible.

So he read to her and sang to her. He hugged her and wiped away her tears. When she danced on stage, he was there. He saw her eyes cast over the audience, looking and hoping for the one who should be there, but never would be. Pain and anger shot through his heart to see that hope in her eyes and watch it fade as she realized the one she looked for wasn't there. Then love filled it as her sad eyes caught sight of him and lit up with joy. He watched her dance and thought he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. As he grew older and life more painful, it was an image he would carry with him. Her smiling and laughing as she twirled across the stage; she was all that he cared for and all that mattered to him in the world.

Time wore on and they both grew older. She lost that innocence he worked to protect so long. Even though he knew it would happen, his heart still ached for her. His view of life became more jaded. She was a beautiful woman and he a handsome man. The two together were a breathtaking sight. She smiled less and he treasured the memory of that long ago smile. He was filled with anger towards the one who was to blame for taking her smile away, for causing them both pain.

That anger ate away at him, at his soul, until it consumed him. He turned into the very thing he hated, but he shielded her from it. She was no longer innocent, but he would protect her from this. He didn't care if the rest of the world detested him and what he had become, but not her. Had he known what his anger would bring, the choice it would force her to make, he might have done things differently. He never wanted to cause her pain, but in the end, he brought her more pain than any other ever had.

Ziva still stood at her window, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She now saw the view across the street, but she still remembered. She remembered the little girl and the boy she had loved so. She didn't remember the monster he had become. She remembered seeing his face in the audience, the smile filled with love and dancing just for him. As if he was the only one there. He was all she cared for and all that mattered to her in the world and now he was gone.

She turned from the window as the memory faded and the present invaded. She heard the soft sounds coming from the stereo as she walked into the kitchen and poured a glass of champagne.

She lifted it into the air as she said, "I miss you, Ari."

As she lowered the glass and drank, the music from the stereo came to an end.

"_I thought I'd see you again. You said you might do. Maybe in a carving, in a cathedral. Somewhere in Barcelona."_

A/N: The lyrics from the last line are from the song, "Toast" by Tori Amos.


End file.
